Sick and Tired

Sick and Tired

I'm sick of being a patient

Being stood over while I'm weighed

Having a nurse peer at the number

And scrawl it on a clipboard;

I’m sick of being watched while I eat,

Told the goal is to normalize eating

Then made to do things

That are not normal for me

When I'm in a healthy space;

Made to put sugar on my cereal

Not allowed to use chilli sauce

Have time limits for meals

Which do not allow for mindful eating

Or for conversation

Unless one is prepared

To stuff oneself in the final five minutes

To make it without facing

The consequences of a fortisip,

To have to eat rest home style desserts

Within the same thirty minutes as dinner.

I’m tired of having to rely

On someone else to dispense

My medication,

When not only am I quite capable

Of doing so myself

But as a nurse I am used to

Dispensing others’ as well.

I don't want to sabotage my recovery

But I've had enough.

Being told what to do and stood over

Makes me want to do the exact opposite.

I just need to let my anger and frustration

Settle …

Enough to allow me to make sure

This is predominately coming from me

Not anorexia ...

Before I take action.