January 1st 2017

Now is the Time

It's time to lift my head

To emerge

Like a butterfly

From its chrysalis;

It's time to embrace

Newness, freedom, possibility,

To let go

And be.

It's time to shed

My old familiar skin

To leave it behind

Like a cicada

Would leave it on a tree.

It is time to step forward

Into the unknown

To splatter fresh paint

On the blank canvas

Of my life;

Now is the time

To surrender,

To embrace the purity

Of a brand new year.

New Year's Eve 2016

Thursday 31^st December, last day of 2016

 4:41pm

Well, as Jo just messaged me to say; we made it to the end of 2016!! We survived!

What a year it's been.

This time last year I never would have thought I'd still be in hospital in a years time...

I automatically want to say what a horrible shitty awful year it was, but even though I am very sure it was my worst year ever, things are changing at last and I've realised there are a lot of things I've learnt this year:

•    God is love and God is so present in every moment 

•    Life is not perfect, and it is not supposed to be

•    Joy and happiness is found in the moment, the extraordinary is in the ordinary

•    People are the most precious things in this world, each individual is a treasure 

•    Even when it feels like there is no light left and you are at the bottom of a deep dark hole, with God there is always a way out 

•    Inner peace does not depend on the external

•    The point is God and Love

•    Self love and kindness is so important- you can't pour from an empty cup

•    Thoughts are not facts

•    The extraordinary is found in the ordinary

•    Family and friends are infinitely precious

•    Feelings always pass 

I think those are some good lessons. So it hasn't been a waste of a year, at all!  However I am so ready for 2017! Here's to it being a better one! 

New Years Eve

It's New Year's Eve

And seven of us are in hospital

We have not been granted leave.

Our options are few

But surely we can

think of something to do!

I suggest that since we can't drink

We dose up on our prn meds

A good idea don't you think?!

But alas that option is out

As the nazi nurse overheard me

'You will not!' She said with a shout.

We settle on a good DVD

and some games

Perhaps two or three.

Despite it all we can still have fun

We'll laugh till we cry

Our mascara will run!

No we won't sit around feeling blue

We will see this year out

And welcome the new!

Carbonated Consciousness

Carbonated Consciousness

Happiness

Is carbonated consciousness;

The ability to be fully present

To live in the moment,

To immerse oneself in what is

With surrender,

Acceptance and faith.

It is not looking ahead

Analysing what is to come

Or glancing constantly backwards

At what has already been.

Happiness is the pop of a cork,

The fizz of a freshly opened

Fanta bottle;

The less I calculate,

Ruminate, expect,

Look ahead, plan

And try to control

The louder the POP of the cork,

The more fizz that will escape

Overflowing in miniature tides

Of froth and bubble

Unable to be contained

By the rigid plastic vessel

It was once trapped inside.

How Tight to Hold?

Holding On

Maintaining a tight grip

Makes me feel secure,

Safe and in control.

I know what to expect

I can handle the unknown

The uncertainty of the future.

Letting go of the reins

Leads to mayhem

(In my mind);

A bucking bronco

Precarious, unsafe,

Insecure.

But holding so tightly

Also imprisons me,

While letting go

Sets me free …

Is there a middle ground?

A place where I can find

A sense of freedom

Yet still be secure?