This Moment Now

The Future

In letting go of death

As an option

With each step towards ‘life’

I feel steadier

And yet less steady

At the same time.

The uncertainty

Of what that ‘life’ could look like

And feel like

Looms like a dark shadow

Before me.

I am afraid of it;

Scared to step into the unknown

Into a place

That I can’t yet see

And yet continue to journey

Day by day

Moment by moment

Meal by meal

Towards.

There are moments

When approaching this

Undiscovered territory

Feels reckless,

Exciting,

Hopeful;

Moments when I find myself

Wanting to fast forward time

To find out

What the shadow conceals;

When I dream of the possibilities

Countless maybes

And could be’s

In what lies ahead.

Yet there are moments

When my head screams at my feet

To stop walking

And I panic

As I look behind me

And realize

How far from where I was

I have come,

When I acknowledge

There is no going back,

I have to let go of what was

and be open

vulnerable and exposed

to what is to come.

But the future

Will always be out of reach

Always be ahead of me

And no matter what happens

I always have this moment

Right now,

And the only thing

I really have to do

Is to live this moment

As best I can.