Dilemma

Dilemma

If this horrible dark fog of depression

Will never lift

If the panic, hopelessness

And fear of the futility of life

Is to remain

Then I'd rather have anorexia too.

I'm terrified of losing

The best escape I've found

The most effective way

To numb and distract myself;

With all my rules, routines, obsessions

And constant analyzing

Although the panic festers within me still

I am able to squash it down

To keep from the forefront of my mind

This terror of life

Of living.

Anorexia gives me an excuse

To disengage from the world

By being so physically unwell;

I can become separate

No longer having to be a part of it

But can hide away in a hospital.

My closest friend anorexia

Gives me some small blessed relief

From the awful fog

And takes me closer and closer

To the ultimate escape.



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