Where can I find comfort?

Relief

Where can I find comfort?

My mind aches

For relief

The way the body thirsts for water

Or yearns for sleep,

The way an alcoholic

Craves another drink.

My thoughts are in constant motion

Taunting, analysing, threatening,

Tormenting me

Incessantly.

I reach for my crucifix

And hold it close to my chest

Closing my eyes.

As I pray

My frosty insides

Start to thaw out

I get a sensation

Like sinking into a hot bath,

Or as though I'm resurfacing

After holding my breath underwater.

A feeling of being wrapped up

Secure and at peace

In familiar loving arms.

I wish it would last forever

But already the thoughts

Nudge the corners of my brain

Little pinpricks

Growing larger by the second

Into insistent thorns

Impossible to ignore.

Through the knawing in my stomach

The growing pain

I inhale deeply

Drawing on the warmth that still surrounds me

Despite the icy fingers reaching in.

And as it fades

I order myself to remember

It is still there

Even if I can't feel it

It will not leave me;

In this imperfect reality

The little bits of wonderful

Always remain

Waiting to be found again.